Is a eulogy just a speech?

What is a eulogy? How do I put one together? Is it just a speech? Over the past 3 years I have been asked these questions several times. And have always said that yes it is a speech. Recently a very good friend of mine passed away. And just before he died he asked me to be one of 2 people to give his eulogy. Due to seeing so many friends died when I was younger do not normally go to funerals or do memorials. But I could not refuse to honor my friend. Over the past 3 weeks I pondered the questions above and I have come to the following conclusions. Yes, it is a speech. Although it may be highly charged with emotion. It should have an opening, body, and close. It should include positive stories about the deceased and your relationship with the person you are talking about. There could also be some lessons learned. What did they teach you? Humor is OK. In fact I highly recommend it to break the tension. Remember they were human. And humor was part of most of our lives. And close on a positive note. Leave the audience something positive to walk away with. Make the audience see in their minds that person doing or experiencing something good in the after life. Especially if they believed in one. You don’t have to make them saints; many people are far from it. Speakers should not leave the audience in a downer. I’m including a copy of the eulogy that I wrote and delivered on June 16, 2008 to honor my friend Bob Hall. I hope that you can use it as a template for any Eulogy that you might have to give in the coming future. Is it a speech? I think it is. It may be full of emotion, but it does not have to be a downer. You should tell a stories that capture the essence of the person you're talking about. If you are giving the eulogy who is it for? It's for the audience and the person you are memorializing. As the speaker you have a responsibility to be a professional as possible given the circumstances. Will it be easy, "NO". But if you plan and prepare you honor the person you're speaking about by giving the best presentation you possibly can. But the bottom line on this one is to prepare or wing it "you decide". I chose to prepare and get input from others. I’m Bob Freel and that’s “What I’ve Learned”. Below is the memorial I gave for a friend that just past away. To give you some back ground. He was one of the last soldier to actually ride horses that towed artillery pieces at the beginning of WWII. His great grand son is a highly decorated U.S.Marine who now serving on the Presidential Honor Guard. MEMORIAL FOR BOB HALL JUNE 16TH, 2008 (1200/123=91/2min) WHEN YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES AND THINK ABOUT SERGEANT MAJOR BOB HALL WHAT YOU DO YOU SEE, WHAT DO YOU FEEL? WHAT WORDS WOULD “YOU” USE TO DESCRIBE THIS REMARKABLE MAN. <3pause> AUDRY, FAMILY MEMBERS, AND FRIENDS; AS I REFLECT ON THIS CELEBRATION OF BOB’S LIFE THE WORDS THAT COME TO MY MIND ARE: FRIEND, PROUD, COURAGE, LOYAL, STORY-TELLER, AND LOVE. THE FIRST WORD, FRIEND – WE ONLY KNEW EACH OTHER FOR A SHORT TIME YET WE DEVELOPED A FRIENDSHIP, A BOND THAT ONLY PEOPLE OF COMMON EXPERIENCES CAN SHARE. HE WAS FROM ORANGE COUNTY – I WAS FROM ORANGE COUNTY HE WAS IN COMBAT – I WAS IN COMBAT HE WAS STATIONED AT FORT ORD – I WAS STATIONED AT FOR ORD HE WAS COMMISSIONED – I WAS ALMOST COMMISSIONED THAT THING CALLED GEOMETRY GOT ME EVERY TIME. HE WAS IN VIETNAM – I WAS IN VIETNAM HE WAS MARRIED 3 TIMES – I WAS MARRIED TWICE. I SAID TO BOB, YOU WON THAT ONE. . THE FIRST TIME I SAW BOB IN HIS UNIFORM WAS VETERANS DAY NOVEMBER 11TH 2007. I WAS STANDING ON THIS STAGE AND AS I LOOKED OUT OVER THE SEA OF PEOPLE THERE HE WAS, BRASS POLISHED, UNIFORM FITTED, BERET PERCHED PERFECTLY ON HIS HEAD. ON HIS RIGHT SHOULDER WAS THE PATCH OF THE 2ND INFANTRY DIVISION, THE UNIT HE FOUGHT WITH IN KOREA. HE WORE IT WITH GREAT PRIDE. AS THE COLOR GUARD BROUGHT THE FLAG FORWARD THAT DAY HIS AGE SEEMED TO MELT AWAY, HE STOOD UP, STRAIGHTENED HIMSELF AND SALUTED LIKE THE SOLDIER HE WAS. HE KNEW I WOULD DO PUBLIC SPEAKER COMPETITIONS AND WOULD ALWAYS TAKE THE TIME TO ASK ME HOW I’D DONE. THE SECOND WORD I CHOSE IS PRIDE: HE WAS PROUD OF HIS SERVICE TO HIS COUNTRY, THE MEN HE SERVED WITH, HIS FAMILY, AND ESPECIALLY HIS GREAT GRANDSON, ___________. I GAVE HIM A T-SHIRT THAT HAD THE INSIGNIA OF THE 2ND INFANTRY DIVISION PAINTED ACROSS THE FRONT. HE LOVED IT AND WORE IT SO OFTEN I THOUGHT BOY, MAYBE I SHOULD GIVE HIM A SECOND ONE SO HE COULD AT LEAST WASH IT. THE THIRD WORD IS COURAGE: HE HAD THE COURAGE TO STAND BY HIS CONVICTIONS. HE TOLD ME ABOUT TAKING OVER AS THE SERGENT MAJOR (NCO) RESPONSIBLE FOR THE OPERATIONS OF ALL THE PX’S IN VIETNAM (FOR YOU CIVILIANS & YOUNGER FOLKS, THAT’S THE POST EXCHANGE, A MILITARY RETAIL STORE). HE TOLD ME ABOUT HOW SOME PEOPLE IN WASHINGTON WHO TRIED TO PRESSURE HIM INTO DOING THINGS HE KNEW IN HIS HEART WERE NOT RIGHT, BOB REFUSED. HE WOULD NOT COMPROMISE HIS INTEGRITY NO MATTER THE COST. HIS COURAGE UNDER FIRE WAS THE KIND THAT HOLLYWOOD MOVIES ARE MADE OF. THERE IS A LINE ON PAGE 489 IN CLAY BLAIR’S BOOK, “KOREA THE FORGOTTEN WAR”. IT READS “ONLY ONE MAN - AN UNIDENTIFIED 9TH INFANTRY SERGENT WAS SHOOTING BACK”. THAT WAS BOB, ALTHOUGH HE WAS NOT NAMED, HE KNEW WHAT HE HAD DONE AND WAS PROUD OF IT. THE FOURTH WORD IS LOYAL: HE FELT HE HAD A RESPONSIBILITY TO THOSE MEN IN KOREA THAT SERVED WITH HIM. BOB SAID “AS A FIRST SERGEANT I COULD HAVE STAYED BACK FROM THE FRONT LINES WHERE IT WAS SAFER. BUT I FELT I NEEDED TO BE UP FRONT WITH MY MEN SHARING THE DANGERS. KNOWING FIRST HAND, WHAT WAS GOING ON, DOING MY PART. IT WAS NOT MY JOB TO CARRY A RIFLE BUT I’M GLAD I DID.” TODAY THAT SAME RIFLE BELONGS TO HIS GREAT GRANDSON. __________. HE MADE SURE THAT ALL HIS MEN WERE REWARDED FOR THEIR COURAGE (HE WROTE 2 RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE MEDAL OF HONOR) AND AWARDED THE SACRIFICES ALL HIS MEN MADE DURING THOSE HORRENDOUS DAYS IN KOREA, THE TIME BOB CALLED, “MY DAYS IN HELL”. HE HAD AT LEAST ONE, REGRET: HE WAS SO BUSY MAKING SURE ALL HIS MEN WERE TAKEN CARE OF, HE NEVER ONCE MADE SURE HE WOULD BE RECOGNIZED FOR HIS, OWN BATTLE WOUNDS. UNSELFISHLY THERE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A GAP ON BOB’S CHEST RIGHT NEXT TO HIS BRONZE STAR, THAT’S WHERE A PURPLE HEART SHOULD, HAVE BEEN. FOR ALL OF THE MEDALS HE WORE, IT’S THE PURPLE HEART, THAT WOULD HAVE SHOWN, BOB’S REAL PAIN AND SACRIFICE. THE FIFTH WORD IS STORY-TELLER: BOY, DID HE EVER LOVE TO TELL A STORY !!! EVERY TIME WE GOT TOGETHER IT WAS A STORYTELLING MARATHON WE WOULD TAKE TURNS TELLING EACH OTHER ABOUT OUR LIVES, CHALLENGES AND ADVENTURES, MOST OF THEM WERE ACTUALLY TRUE. SERIOUSLY THOUGH, SOME STORIES OLD SOLDIERS MIGHT NEVER TELL ANOTHER LIVING SOUL. ONE DAY AS WE SWAPPED STORIES ABOUT LIFE, THE PEOPLE WE KNEW AND OUR WARS, HE LEANED FORWARD, PUT HIS HAND ON MY ARM THEN SAID “YOU UNDERSTAND.” (PAUSE) CHILLS RAN UP A DOWN MY SPINE. THE SIXTH WORD THAT DESCRIBES BOB IS LOVE: BOB LOVED THE ARMY – BOB SAID “I WOULD HAVE STAYED UNTIL THEY TORE THE UNIFORM OFF MY BACK. IF ONLY THEY’D, LET ME STAY WITH THE MEN AND NOT GIVEN ME A DESK JOB. BUT, MY FAMILY NEEDED ME MORE, SO I LEFT THE ARMY AND STARTED A NEW LIFE.” HE DEARLY LOVED HIS FAMILY – HE TOLD ME ABOUT ALL 3 OF HIS WIVES I COULD TELL HE LOVED THEM EACH ONE OF THEM. BUT HE WAS ESPECIALLY HAPPY WHEN HE AGAIN FOUND AUDRY, HIS HIGH SCHOOL, SWEETHEART. "THERE WAS NO WAY SHE WAS GOING TO GET AWAY" “THIS TIME”". HE SAID. ON THEIR WEDDING DAY HE WAS 71. "BETTER LATE THAN NEVER" HE SAID. BOB WAS PROUD OF HIS GREAT-GRANDSON AND WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HAVE SEEN HIM AGAIN, BEFORE HE PASSED. THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL NOT LONG BEFORE HE CAME HOME FOR THE LAST TIME. WE SWAPPED STORIES FOR A WHILE AND I COULD SEE HE WAS GETTING TIRED. “COME CLOSER.” AND WHEN I DID HE PUT HIS HAND ON MY HEART THEN SAID: 1. WE HAVE ONLY KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR A SHORT TIME BUT I KNOW I CAN CALL YOU “MY FRIEND”. 2. IT’S TOO BAD THAT YOU ARE SO MUCH YOUNGER THAN I AM (THERE WERE 28 YEARS DIFFERENCE) BECAUSE I FEEL WE WOULD HAVE SERVED WELL TOGETHER IN THE SERVICE, WE THINS SO MUCH ALIKE. 3. THEN HE SAID “I HAVE CHOSEN 2 MEN TO GIVE MY EULOGY AND I WOULD LIKE YOU, TO BE ONE OF THEM”. I CHOKED UP AS I ASKED, WHY?? "YOU KNOW I DON’T DO FUNERALS". HE SAID, “BECAUSE WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER AND YOU KNOW THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY. “ I AM HONORED TO DO THIS FAVOR FOR YOU MY FRIEND. (PAUSE) HE LAID HIS HEAD DOWN ON HIS PILLOW , TOOK MY HAND: “IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO GO”. THEN,CLOSED HIS EYES. SOMETHING TOLD ME THIS WOULD BE THE LAST TIME WE’D EVER SPEAK. I STOOD THERE FOR A MOMENT, LOOKING AT MY FRIEND, THEN SLOWLY BACKED OUT OF THE ROOM. BOB LIVED A LIFE OF LOVE, CHALLENGE, AND ADVENTURE. FROM A SMALL FISHING VILLAGE CALLED NEWPORT BEACH CALIFORNIA. IF YOU CAN IMAGINE NEWPORT BEACH BEING A SMALL FISHING VILLAGE. TO THE FREEZING COLD ROCKY MOUNTAIN SLOPES OF NORTH KOREA. TO THE STIFLING HEAT, AND HUMIDITY OF SOUTH VIETNAM. WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES I CAN SEE BOB SMILING, I CAN FEEL HIS PRIDE, AS HE SERVES AS THE BRIGADE SERGEANT MAJOR FOR THE ANGELS OF THE 2ND INFANTRY DIVISION, FIGHTING THE WAR BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL. THESE ARE THE WORDS AND THOUGHTS THAT COME TO MY MIND WHEN I THINK OF MY FRIEND, BOB HALL (PAUSE) … I WILL MISS HIM.